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Turning to her side Sky grabs the pillow next to her, squeezing it tight, catching hints of Ashley’s fragrant lotion that still clings to the fabric. Her heart begins to palpitate, racing towards another panic attack. Sky holds the pillow close to her nose and breathes in slowly. As she inhales, taking the scent deep into her lungs, a sudden, powerful and unexpected calm settles over her. “I’m here with you, baby girl. I would never leave you.” Sky knows the voice is only in her head, perhaps surfacing from the depths of her psyche. She doesn’t care. She would do anything to have her lover back, to be able to feel her again, even if that means tricking her brain into thinking Ashley is there with her. “I know you didn’t mean to, baby.” Sky is once again talking into the darkness, caught between a state of reality and reminiscent fantasy. “But that doesn’t soothe the pain of missing you. Of missing your touch and your soft, warm body next to me every night.”The blanketing calm she. .. Instead ofbreaking it down into something good for me, it broke it down intosomething that acted like a poison... It started attacking my digestivesystem, my muscles, and even my bones..."Again, while all that was technically true, it was only the result andnot the cause of the problem... I thought that at least I wasn't tellinga total lie, but this honestly felt much worse... I knew I was trying toconvince myself it was okay, but I'm too stubborn to be able to evenconvince myself it seems."Wow... I thought it had only made you unable to eat... Jordie I'm sorryI didn't know..." she told me, reaching over and gently squeezing myhand. "Why didn't you tell any of us?"I shrugged my shoulders. "Well for one, we didn't know exactly what washappening, plus I didn't figure there was anything any of you coulddo... It didn't make the situation any better for myself, and it wouldhave only made you all worry even more... Besides you all were worryingenough as it was... I was put in the.
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